Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Friday, November 10, 2006


Newspaper Interview asks, " Why we tend to like those who like us less?"

Do not judge too quickly. Perhaps they like us as much or more than we like them, but their capability to love is less. Between the obvious extremes of an absolute, unconditional, self-sacrificing capacity to love and an utter selfish lack of any capacity to love rests the fundamental concept of Lovelines. The difference between the two capacities or “lines” of partners is important, not as competition with each other but essential to knowing how you can make each other more comfortable in the relationship. When Longerlines use the word “love,” their definition of that word includes their entire experience of love since their earliest childhood. Unfortunately, Shorterlines use the exact same word, “love,” but their experience of love may bear no resemblance whatsoever to the Longerlines’ definition of love.
Shorterlines may have experienced limited nurturing and affection in life, and/or possess a history of pain and neglect mixed into their very earliest memories. When Shorterlines “love” you, they are giving you the best love they know how to give. They are giving all that they are currently capable of giving regardless of whether you find those efforts satisfactory or unsatisfactory, fulfilling or disappointing. For the Shorterline, possible past trauma or neglect has formed an internal “ceiling,” which inhibits them. Shorterlines simply cannothave great difficulty seeing above their personal ceiling to the heights of the Longerlines’ ceilings—and that is the crux of many problems in such a relationship. Shorterlines are giving as much love as they have to give, all they perceive love to be. They do not think about the qualities of love beyond the confines of their own ceiling, which inhibits their ability to Love. Their love “handicap,” which is inhibiting them, is that they cannot act beyond the length or capacity of their Loveline. Each of us is limited by our own Loveline ceiling.
The important point to focus on is determining the extent of the Matchline Gap between you and an existing or potential partner. If the Loveline Gap is small, love will be easier for you both. If the Gap is great, finding a harmonious love will be harder. Unfortunately, Matchline Gaps are common, but the good news is that the better you understand them, and their dynamics, the easier the work to balance a relationship will be for you and your partner.


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