Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

COMMIT TOO YOUNG TO A RELATIONSHIP? DR MOLLY BARROW AUTHOR OF MATCHLINES RELATIONSHIP SELF HELP

I think that you can make a successful lifelong commitment in your twenties. But if you are not already with someone, it is a fine time to work on improving yourself before you feel hurried into choosing a lifelong partner. Both partners change throughout the relationship in many ways and at different times. The younger you are when you commit the more likely you it is that you will experience major changes in yourself and your partner as the mature. Learning to weather those rough seas is often the result of having strong self-confidence.
The downtime between relationships is important because it gives you the confidence that you can thrive even when you are not in a relationship. This ensures that you never stay in a negative or abusive relationship because you are afraid to go it alone. The 20’s are only one time that may be a growth time. Downtime is often easiest in your early twenties when a spouse or children do not depend on you, but it can come at many other times of your life as well. Such downtimes provide an opportunity to focus more on the discovery of who you are with less compromise for the needs of others. Time away from your school or career or even after the tragedy of a divorce or a death of a spouse are important opportunities to concentrate on you.
If you jump right into another relationship after a failed one, then you may reach too low for a good match. Once you recover from heartache or grief or simply learn to do things on your own, what you have to give in a relationship grows. Ultimately, after you experience self-esteem building downtime, and you are at the top of your game, you will seek out a better match. Intense work on yourself is advantageous at many different times of your life and will serve you well in all your relationships.

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