Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

The End and Means Must Be Moral Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines Relationship Self Help

Your ability to be assertive can alter the quality of your life.
Partners, occupations, friends, home environments, happiness and misery are all dependent upon your ability to stand up for yourself. The result of choosing to do so is higher self-esteem and self-awareness that will maximize your Loveline.
The power of finding your voice in the world is essential to overcoming the fears and failures that may plague your life. Before you can depend on yourself, you must find your voice. Years of intimidation have successfully silenced all of us except for a few outspoken big-mouths. Since their vote in a relationship will typically be completely to their benefit, you may wake up one morning with a life that does not resemble any of your dreams.
To get back on the “road not yet traveled” by you, first set your goals bounded by your values, figure out the direction from your starting point to your goal, no matter how far, then ask repeatedly what is your the first step is, then the next step in that direction. Put a time limit on it or it will just hover in space. Do not view your journey as standing on one side of a great chasm, seeing the rim of other side as a futile impossibility to reach. Your task is merely to get from Point A to Point B; and if that means building bridges, catapults, or even airplanes to get to Point B, then that’s where you set your sights—and map out your objectives.
Say “Yes,” to whatever takes you in the direction of your goals bounded by strong values. Be careful not to do anything bad in the name of getting somewhere good. The means must be as right for you as the ultimate end.
How many times have things looked pretty bad, but then out of nowhere a result happens that is better then you could have imagined? It might be luck or God, or your wonderful deceased mother intervening from another realm, who knows? We have no clue how any goal or project may end, so you cannot let the end justify anything you do wrong. In retrospect, the journey is often richer and more meaningful than achieving the goal. Make the decision to rRemain as conscientious in your journey as you are in selecting your goals. The medical dictum “first do no harm” could apply to everyone, not just doctors.
Knowing the right direction and choosing to take the first step toward it are miles apart for some people. Sometimes our own fear and past failures incapacitate us, or we are simply intimidated by the scary unknown. The first step is the hardest—so make it small and easy.


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