Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Gratitude Now Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines Relationship

Ever stop to thank the people closest to you? Often we overlook and disregard the small favors our moms and dads or friends do for us. The assumption that they are "suppose" to help us is contradicted by the evidence of many relatives who feel no such obligations to their own family members. Each simple act of caring is a moment to cherish.

After our parents have passed away or our friends fade away it will be too late to mention how much you appreciate them. A folded clean towel on your freshly made bed, a quick check of your tires before you drive back to school or a funny Valentine from a friend (that turns out to be the only card you receive this year) are giving acts of goodness.

Imagine if you nourish and recognize these simple deeds with praise and pleasure. They could spread across this world and change angry hearts of warriors. Perhaps we can start today to pay back kindness, revenge love with love, and give away compliments for free. I'll go first. To my family and friends, I love you and I am deeply grateful for your kindness and loyalty. May you live long, healthy lives and have your dreams come true.

May you all find and preserve true love. Is it right there right next to you?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Thinking About a Job Change? Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines: Relationships

Are you bored to distraction with your current career? One tip that may help you decide on a new direction for yourself is simply to walk around your home. Play detective and discover yourself. Are your paintings on the wall outdoor scenes of stallions or flying geese, yet you work in a health care facility with few windows. Are you surrounded with photos of your grandchildren but your job at the bank only gives you one week a year to visit the kids? Are you playing bolero music while you cook in a small apartment in Maine? Do you want to be an artist even though you have a student loan bigger than your house payment for your mathematics degree that you thought you wanted? Do you read about fashion and work in a library?
Everyday other people pack up their family and their belongings and move to new jobs in new locations. Many leave the countryside in search of the excitement of the city. Many leave the city for the tranquility of the countryside. Some make the change, are still dissatisfied and return to where they started. Nevertheless, they made the effort to find themselves.
After a break-up or a divorce, when the kids leave for school or if a parent or spouse passes away, people often want sudden change to help to alleviate their pain. Traumatic events can shake up the stability of a once happy, satisfying life. It is best not to make a big change if you are in the early stages of grief or experiencing depression. Most grief is manageable after six months to a year. That may be a better time to think more about change.
However, if you are in good shape emotionally and still hungry for more life than you are living, you can make changes to enhance your situation. Enhance may mean taking a pay cut, selling a mansion, or even working twice as hard in the new job that you love, instead of dread.
If you are longing for a different environment and a new way to spend your day, perhaps an adventure is just around the corner. If you are a highly qualified and experienced individual, you may be able to arrange a sabbatical from your position. A sabbatical could allow you to spend a year in Spain painting the ocean by day and serving food and drinks at night to pay the rent. Then you can return (if you still want to) to the old job. Could a complete shift in your world be the enrichment that would make your present career a stepping-stone instead of a terminal position? Can you imagine the kind of work that makes you jump out of bed eager to get started?
Look around your home to discover your secret desires and interests. Find the true you and make some simple changes or big ones. You begin by believing that you deserve to be happy while you work.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Authors Dr. Molly Barrow, Alafair Burke and Robert Dean Bair celebrate their new books at the Naples Press Club


On Feb. 24, the Naples Press Club held a luncheon with guest speaker crime novelist Alafair Burke, author of the popular and critically acclaimed Samantha Kincaid series. Dr. Molly Barrow, author of Matchlines : A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love and Robert Dean Bair , author of the Cloisters of Canterburg The event raised money for the NPC Scholarship Fund. Barnes and Noble is a supporter to the fund and is donating a percent of purchases throughout the weekend.
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Friday, February 23, 2007

Trust Again? Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines

Are you suffering with a deep gut ache wondering if you can trust this person? Does trust require a restriction of inquiry? Have you locked yourself into a damned if you ask and potentially damned if you do not ask quandary? Are you willing to risk damaging your relationship and hurting your partner’s feelings? Will your inquiry prompt the inevitable response? “Now since you do not trust me I might as well do what you have accused me of doing!” How can you proceed with out making a mess of your relationship?

Runaway feelings and emotions so characteristic of falling in love or the excitement of a start-up company can make you put a person on a pedestal. Do you prefer to view the world and your partner through the rose-colored glasses of trust until proven unworthy? The silent trust deal says you do not ask your partner to prove their trustworthiness and demands that you know without asking. You bestow trust upon him or her without proof. If one invests carelessly too much of their lives into the relationship and is betrayed, the extradition can be difficult and involve a wide circle of friends and family. Initially more pleasant and less work, this attitude is fraught with risk and vulnerability. Most people remove their rosy glasses after their first heartbreak.

On the other hand, do you choose a position of mistrust until you acquire proof positive of the ability to trust demonstrated with consistent behavior. This requires a holding back of your feelings. To lead a life of bitter disappointment devoid of the uplifting flight of heart that comes from just believing in someone or something is also risky and unprotected. Opportunities for love may be lost if you are too defensive.

The fake it until you make it philosophy is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you behave like your partner is trustworthy, the trust can help to support your partner when tempted to cheat. The act of trusting creates its own momentum in a relationship. Positive creates positive reactions and pessimistic negativity creates negative reactions.

The most important element of trust is the lack of suspicion felt in the pit of your stomach. You happily move forward in your day assuming that your relationship is just fine. There is an absence, a silence that one takes for granted until something out of the ordinary causes you to doubt. Once that doubt creeps in a chain reaction starts. Your adrenals flood your body and you can hardly breathe or function. Doubt, suspicion, jealousy eat away at your tranquility leaving you a pile of jangled nerves. Unable to function in your work and the inability to think reasonably or to recover your sense of balance may lead to rash and sometimes violent actions. Whether true betrayal or just imaginary mental scenes have transpired, you must quiet your reactionary rage. Innocent until proven guilty counts in relationships, too.

If your partner admits to betraying you, you have several choices. If you are deeply in love and isolated from the support of friends and family, do not abruptly walk out the door. You may need to rely on the shreds of your relationship to help you through the deep grief of losing trust in someone you love. What is the true cost of betrayal? Have you assessed the amount of potential damages to your world if you cannot trust your partner? Illness, divorce, hurt for your children and even death are consequences that might result from betrayal.

Once you sort it all out, do you risk your heart and trust again? The assumption that your relationship will never be tested is unrealistic. There is no way to guarantee that trust will never be broken again. If you love the person, give them a second chance if you possibly can. If they make no effort to protect you from hurt or to change their behavior, you may need to question if his or her love is strong enough and worth investing your welfare and future.

To rebuild trust as a couple, remember to:
Get the facts before reacting, be honest and stay honest.
Allow yourself or your partner a desensitization period to rehash the hurt over and over until they heal.
Accept or give a sincere apology and make it up to your partner any way you can.
Know that it can take a year for your partner to grieve and learn to trust you again.
Learn to be more open with each other to deepen your connection.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

How Dangerous Is Your Hospital? Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships

As a licensed psychotherapist in the state of Florida, I am required to take continuing education courses. One class was called Medical Errors and was truly shocking. In an article called The Best Care Anywhere, Phillip Longman writes that VA hospitals are better run and have more reliable record keeping for patients who are treated nearly all their lives... than some of our best private hospital facilities.

"All told, according to the same RAND study, Americans receive appropriate care from their doctors only about half of the time. The results are deadly. On top of the 98,000 killed by medical errors, another 126,000 die from their doctor's failure to observe evidence-based protocols for just four common conditions: hypertension, heart attacks, pneumonia, and colorectal cancer..... the death toll from medical errors alone is equivalent to a fully loaded jumbo-jet crashing each day. If health care was like a more pure market, in which customers know the value of what they are buying, a business case for quality might exist more often. But purchasers of health care usually don't know, and often don't care about its quality, and so private health-care providers can't increase their incomes by offering it. To begin with, most people don't buy their own health care; their employers do. Consortiums of large employers may have the staff and the market power necessary to evaluate the quality of health-care plans and to bargain for greater commitments to patient safety and evidence-based medicine. And a few actually do so. But most employers are not equipped for this. Moreover, in these days of rapid turnover and vanishing post-retirement health-care benefits, few employers have any significant financial interest in their workers' long-term health. ....Many Americans still believe that the U.S. health-care system is the best in the world, and that its only major problems are that it costs too much and leaves too many people uninsured. But the fact remains that Americans live shorter lives, with more disabilities, than people in countries that spend barely half as much per person on health care. Pouring more money into the current system won't change that. Nor will making the current system even more fragmented and driven by short-term profit motives. But learning from the lesson offered by the veterans health system could point the way to an all-American solution."
Phillip Longman, a Schwartz Senior Fellow at the New America Foundation, is the author of The Empty Cradle; Basic Books, 2004.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

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Mental and Physical Minds Dr. Molly Barrow, psychotherapist and author of Matchlines recommends new blog by Dr. David Perlmutter

Are you looking for a great health site? Dr. Perlmutter refers many of his clients to me for mental health issues and I refer my patients to him for medical issues. If anyone in my family became seriously ill, he is the man whose brain I would consult. I hope that you will frequent his informative blog site.

"David Perlmutter, MD, FACN is a Board-Certified Neurologist and Fellow of the American College of Nutrition who received his M.D. degree from the University of Miami School of Medicine where he was awarded the Leonard G. Rowntree Research Award. After completing residency training Neurology, also at the University of Miami, Dr. Perlmutter entered private practice in Naples, Florida where he serves as Medical Director of the Perlmutter Health Center and the Perlmutter Hyperbaric Center.
Dr. Perlmutter serves as Adjunct Instructor at the Institute for Functional Medicine in Gig Harbor, Washington, and has contributed extensively to the world medical literature with publications appearing in such journals as The Journal of Neurosurgery, The Southern Medical Journal, Journal of Applied Nutrition, and Archives of Neurology.
He is the author of: BrainRecovery.com – Powerful Therapy for Challenging Brain Disorders, The Better Brain Book (Putnam Publishers), and Raise a Smarter Child By Kindergarten (Morgan Road Books), and is recognized internationally as a leader in the field of nutritional influences in neurological disorders. Dr. Perlmutter has been interviewed on many nationally syndicated radio and television programs including 20/20, The Faith Daniels Program, Larry King Live, CNN, Fox News, Fox and Friends, The Today Show, Oprah, and The CBS Early Show.
Dr. Perlmutter was awarded the 2002 Linus Pauling Award for his pioneering work in innovative approaches to neurological disorders. In addition, he received the 2002 Denham Harmon Award from the American College for the Advancement in Medicine for his work in advancing the understanding of free radical biochemistry in neurological diseases and is the recipient of the 2006 National Nutritional Foods Association Clinician of the Year Award. " (renegadeneurologist.com).

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

DR. MOLLY BARROW PHD author of MATCHLINES on Skylar Stone Talk Radio Show to discuss TRUST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

POLITICIANS AND LOVERS HAVE ALOT IN COMMON: EVER HEAR THE WORDS "OF COURSE YOU CAN TRUST ME?" How do you know you can trust your lover? What do you do when you think you can't? Join Skylar Stone and her panel Dr. Molly Barrow, Ph.D. (clinical psychology) and author of Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love , and Nicol Jenkins, the President of Socialsingles, where the answers may surprise you...only on AM1230--WBZT--www.wbzt.com--The Talk Station!!!!

Listener call in numbers: 561-844-6167 and 800-889-0267

or Email Questions for the Skylar Stone Show : AFFAIRSEXPERT@AOL.COM
Keep on listening to Romancing with Skylar Stone, AffairSexpert---every Friday night--on AM1230 Radio, www.wbzt.com from 6-7 PM

Hope you can join the fun!
Dr. Molly

Monday, February 19, 2007

Witness a Parent/Child Fight? Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines A New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choies in Love

Should you intervene when you see a parent struggling with an unruly child in a public place like the movie store? Does the idea of a conflict make you queasy? The child may be in the throws a a tantrum over a movie choice and the parent may appear to be withholding a reasonable request. However, you may be witnessing a public example of what life can be like with a child that has special needs, is learning disabled or has a brain injury. If the parent seems to be calm and speaking in a lowered voice, make an attempt to meet eyes with the parent and give them a nod or smile of support. Most tantrums last only a few minutes, but the the out of control child can be loud, violent or cause injury to the parent and himself. A good parent will understand you are trying to help and protect.
However, if the parent is yelling, red-faced, angry, jerking the arms of a child, or striking the child, then I believe that we all have a duty to protect children from out of control parents or other adults. Avoid putting yourself at risk. Try saying in a loud voice, "Hey, do you need help?" By asking the parent if he or she needs help, they will not take immediate offense but will realize people are witnessing their abusive behavior. Offer to make the call to a police officer for them. It might shock them out of their anger and save a child from a violent parent, without endangering you. If you know someone who is losing it, encourage the violent parent to immediately seek therapy and possible medication to help control their anger. You could save a child's life.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines to appear on the Skylar Stone Radio Show

More details later!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Dr. Molly Barrow Defends the Handicapped: Mentally and Emotionally Challenged Contenders on American Idol


Where is the voice of the Mental Health Community and other Bullying Organizations in defense of the mentally and emotionally handicapped on the powerful show American Idol? The concept is fun but the reality for some is simply victimization. Is only one therapist insisting that contestants be fully aware of the release that they sign? Will Idol producers stand up and defend those individuals who may be unable to comprehend fully that they have no chance of success. Do they have a professional psychiatrist helping those individuals? Is it right to use apparently sweet, innocent and perhaps, disabled young people as jokes to be ridiculed in front of millions of impressionable children. Ask yourself why you enjoy the victimization of someone who may be mentally challenged, and if you do not enjoy it, tell the producers why. Most importantly teach your children how to be kind to someone less fortunate, even if they are the only kid not laughing. You can make a difference.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Communication Tricks

Shrink about This
By Dr. Molly Barrow

Communication is an essential art for media personalities, business interactions and interpersonal relationships. Here are three useful communication tricks that may help to eliminate misunderstandings and miscommunications.

1. Match the Sense
People reveal their dominant sense by their choice of words. An individual’s choice of words reflects his or her sensory take on the world. People communicate with words that are visual: “I see what you are saying,” auditory: “I hear what you mean,” or feeling: “You give me goose bumps.” Naturally, people like to talk more with someone who “gets” them and understands their position.

If you want to take communication to a more intimate level, try to mimic their world with your word choices. For instance, perhaps you notice that your partner says, “I saw this coming.” You would know you had a “visual-communicator,” who expresses themselves by visual terms - anything to do with eyes, vision, colors, movement. If you tailor your response to him or her in matching visual words, you will put them at ease and lower their defenses.

However, if you respond, “Yeah, I hear what you are saying,” you are less likely to facilitate a flow. A visual person could be confused for a moment by any response that is non-visual. As they puzzle over the word “hear,” the silence will be deafening and you communication more awkward. You may have had stellar intentions to keep them talking, but your choice of words shut their thinking down.

Instead, next time you have a visual-communicator on the line, switch to talking in matching visual terms and he or she will think that you are their long lost pal. Talking to an auditor-communicator works the same way. Match him or her with words like “hear, listening, sound or speak” and they will love you. Feeling communicators are more difficult to detect, but they will clue you in with expressions that have a tactile tone such as “I feel,” “How touching” or “It gave me shivers.”

Practice on your family, especially if you have a teenager. Discover if you have a visual-communication son, auditory-communication daughter or a feeling-communication spouse. Ask your best friend to tell you what you are. You may find all your communication experiences will benefit from talking with the right sense.

2. Sex Matters
Are you speaking with a male or female?
Recent studies theorize women’s brains are different, both biologically and operationally from men’s brains. These differences show up in early childhood language development and in the physical size of areas of the brain. You can use these differences carefully to increase the rapport during communication with others. For example in one study, men felt satisfied talking to other men for about ten minutes of the hour, touching on only a few subjects. In the same study, women filled fifty minutes of the hour with over ten subjects. Men frequently enjoy finding a quick solution and often think in more linear ways. A woman can circle the subject for some time before making her point, while methodically considering minute details and new possibilities.

Interrupting a woman’s circular trip could be dangerous. Women may react negatively to anyone who cuts them off mid trip, even when offered a rather fine solution. An interruption often involves restarting the entire lengthy feminine thought process over again, causing macho males to squirm in agony. If you are in a group or business meeting that is mostly male, they may be relieved with your premature disconnect of her apparent rambling.

However, if your audience is predominantly female, other women want to ride along on that discovery trip with your female speaker. If you cut her off mid way the feminine audience is going to feel commiserate frustration and possibly shut you off. Allow your female communicators a little extra time to make their point. You might be surprised at the creative wisdom that eventually surfaces.

3. Sounds from your Stomach
Urgency, excitement and rapid fire retorts are all positive parts of a persona, but the human ear can pick up fear and stress behind the cleverest repartee. Tightened vocal chords change the pitch and tone of the speaking voice and our minds subliminally interpret that as a sign of weakness and fear in an opponent. With increasing stress and work demands, couples must be alert to subtle cues when discussing emotionally loaded subjects. Your voice may sound angry and stressed beyond your intentions. When we feel threatened, our breathing becomes less regular and shallower. When you forget to breathe, your body triggers numerous physical reactions, most of which you probably want to avoid while having a discussion with your partner. One of them is tension in your throat. Breath control can start or stop fear reactions. At every opportunity, swell your belly and sides with deep breaths through your mouth, one after another without pausing. Ask your partner to do the same. Your bodies will visually relax, shoulders will settle down and your posture will realign. Best of all, your voices will recover a sweet music in place of knotted noise and subsequent negative reactions. The discussion will be on safer ground and more likely to be heard.


Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love.” She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, newspaper columnist, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor.
Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Match.com, N Magazine, Women’s Health and Women’s World. Please visit or contact: http://www.askdrmolly.com http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com/

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Dr. Molly Barrow and Purdue Varsity Glee Club

Brian Breed, director of Purdue Musical Organizations carries Dr. Molly Barrow's new book, Matchlines A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love. Dr. Barrow gave the book to members of the Purdue Varsity Glee Club as a token of her appreciation.

Dr. Molly Barrow met members of the Purdue Varsity Glee Club on Sunday February 11, 2007 in Naples Florida. "Founded in 1893, the Purdue Varsity Glee Club is a university tradition. The ambassadors of song are guest artists in Carnegie Hall for the second time in the past three years. They represent Purdue on tour throughout the year around the country, including on national television, at five presidential inaugurations and at national and international performances and events. The Varsity Glee Club has daily rehearsals and performs more than 100 shows each year. The group has toured Canada, Mexico, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, China and, most recently, the United Kingdom. The group has been featured at many prestigious events, including five presidential inaugurations and the Rose Bowl." http://news.uns.purdue.edu/html3month/2006/060814.Breed.firstnight.html
(Purdue University website)

Saturday, February 10, 2007

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Dr. Molly Barrow at Barnes and Noble Speaks on Love Relationships and Signs Her New Book Matchlines

Barnes and Noble welcomed Dr. Molly Barrow with a large supply of Matchlines and provided twice the seating as her previous book signing talk. With standing room only, a great turnout enjoyed the thirty minute talk on How to Improve All Your Relationships, followed by a question and answer session and signing of over fifty books.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Dr. Molly Barrow Plays Herself in Teen Movie "My Suicide"

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