Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Stalker or Old Flame? What to do in your relationship. Dr. Molly Barrow psychology expert

When an old love surfaces, it can be a lovely reunion or a huge inconvenience. Someone that was appealing a decade ago may be a huge embarrassment now in your new life and with your new partner. How do you handle an old flame without encouraging them... or angering them into stalker mode?
1. Assume that most calls or emails are the result of a nostalgic moment after a glass of wine too many and try to minimize the importance.
2. Do tell your partner right away that you receive a call or text message. If you try to avoid that, your partner will find out eventually and be really mad that you did not mention the contact before.
3. You cannot control what your old flame does but you are in control of how you respond. You can have your partner reply with a chatty email about the two kids and the new boat and how happy you all are and how fun it is to remember the past. That should kill any amorous intentions of the old flame on the spot. You can block them from your email. If it is a phone call, you can ignore it or call back in a professional manner that is polite, but definite, that you are not interested. Thanks, but no thanks.
4. If the person is a drinker or drug user, has mental illness or has been violent in the past, you may have to take it a step farther. Ask them directly to not contact you or you will need to report them to the authorities. If they then continue to contact you, you should file a police report and even get a restraining order. Alcohol, drugs and mental illness can make an individual feel entitled to dominate or take advantage of another person's rights. You do not have to be a victim to their selfish and unfair behavior.
5. Usually, someone just has fond memories of a time in their life and wants to connect with someone who shared those memories. They are not threatening to a healthy current relationship, just annoying. If, however, you also feel some ancient stirring for that old flame, we might have "trouble right here in River City." Secrets are so delicious and destructive, therefore tell your partner about your fantasy to help keep the excitement under control. Remember, you did not work out the first time and odds are that the second time around you will have the same issues and problems. You are better off with the sure thing of your current partner than trying to revive a failed relationship with an old partner. See if you can bring that excitement and sexual charge home to your partner.
6. If you are the one that is making the calls, you need to move on. Try changing your patterns and habits to help you get over an old flame. If you cannot make progress in healing your broken heart, do seek a professional counselor for a few months of therapy.

BIO: Introducing the new relationship compatibility test, Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships for Singles, Couples and Business by psychology expert, Dr. Molly Barrow. Official Web Site: http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com. Find love and healthy relationship advice for dating, pre-marital, marriage, and business relationships. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, "Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love," ISBN 159507158X. As an authority on relationship and psychological topics; a member of the American Psychological Association, Screen Actors Guild, and Authors Guild and is a licensed mental health counselor, Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women's Health, Harvard Business School, Women's World and Shrink About This columnist for Menstuff.


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