Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

ALONE OR FREE? Dr Molly Barrow Matchlines Relationship Self Help


Can you do Downtime?
Downtime is time alone without a partner, significant other—just time with you. When you are comfortable all by yourself, you gain personal power and freedom.
Learning to do the downtime between valid relationships eliminates desperate, energy-wasting pseudo-relationships with the unavailable or incapable. The individual who is comfortable alone creates a strong base. You can fill Downtime by perfecting behaviors to increase the numbers and quality of potential partners, as well as to enhance your current lifestyle.
Learning how to do Downtime is empowering. Desperation and fear of abandonment may cause you to cling to a current partner, simply because you are afraid to be alone and lonely. Overt dependence is ice water on a new love’s passion. You soon begin to smell like a dead albatross around your partner’s neck. You have to learn how to live alone before you can successfully be a half a couple. Many people never learn how to do this. They live with their parents, go straight to college to live with roommates, or get married right away to their childhood sweetheart. Some get apartments and first jobs, and then move a boyfriend or girlfriend in as soon as possible.
Even if they are sick of their partner and want to get rid of the relationship, they cling on desperately, lest the find themselves alone. When faced with a death or a divorce later, they panic. It is essential that you spend a period of your life, six-months (or a year if you are younger) perhaps, right after college, or in-between marriages or relationships just learning to live alone well.
Living alone does not mean you take every single opportunity to go to bars in hopes of meeting a lover to fill the painful, lonely void. Most of our mistakes in love result from an impulsive rush into promising deals, without taking some time to think things through properly.
Living alone means waking up in the morning and asking, “What would I like to do this morning?” or “What would be fun for me to do?” These activities do not have to include a partner. Ironically, the right kind of partners do seem to come along as soon as you aren’t looking and are involved in interesting activities, because you act self-sufficient—and that is very attractive.


Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love.” She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in Psychology Today, O Magazine, Newsday, MSN.com, Match.com, Women’s Health, The Nest, AIA, Manage Smarter and Women’s World. Please visit: http://www.askdrmolly.com http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com/


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