Co-Parenting by Relationship Expert Author and Television Radio Guest Dr. Molly Barrow
What should you do when your ex tells your child he or she misses them so much.
What should you do if while you and your child are on a lovely vacation and your ex calls your child on the telephone and unloads emotionally all over them?
Innocent comments like "I miss you so much," "Life is no good without you here," "I can not wait for you to get home" or "I am so lonely without you" are normal loving comments from one adult to another adult. But, when an adult says this kind of comment to a child, the child can not filter out exaggeration from reality. The child will hear that their parent needs them and will want to go to them. So much for your vacation!
Children do not realize these "desperate" comments from their parent are misguided attempts to demonstrate parental love. Instead, they become urgent problems for a child, problems the child can not "fix" nor can they cope with adult emotions. Usually the child sulks in confusion or bursts into tears at the acute pain and guilt that such "innocent endearment" words evoke.
So, cut the drama. Say comments like, "Are you having a great time? I went over to my friends and had a great time, too. I love you and can't wait to hear about all the fun you are having." This message allows the child to feel free of the responsibility of caretaking the parent and allows them to have time with both parents without feeling guilty.
Keep your emotional needs to yourself or tell them to an adult and let your children grow up unburdened - especially if they have already been subjected to a divorce. They are your children, not your "friends."
For more-read Dr. Molly's latest book, Matchlines
BIO:
Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love,” ISBN 159507158X. She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women’s Health and Women’s World. Please visit: http://www.askdrmolly.com
http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com/
To read articles by Dr. Molly please visit: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Molly_Barrow
What should you do if while you and your child are on a lovely vacation and your ex calls your child on the telephone and unloads emotionally all over them?
Innocent comments like "I miss you so much," "Life is no good without you here," "I can not wait for you to get home" or "I am so lonely without you" are normal loving comments from one adult to another adult. But, when an adult says this kind of comment to a child, the child can not filter out exaggeration from reality. The child will hear that their parent needs them and will want to go to them. So much for your vacation!
Children do not realize these "desperate" comments from their parent are misguided attempts to demonstrate parental love. Instead, they become urgent problems for a child, problems the child can not "fix" nor can they cope with adult emotions. Usually the child sulks in confusion or bursts into tears at the acute pain and guilt that such "innocent endearment" words evoke.
So, cut the drama. Say comments like, "Are you having a great time? I went over to my friends and had a great time, too. I love you and can't wait to hear about all the fun you are having." This message allows the child to feel free of the responsibility of caretaking the parent and allows them to have time with both parents without feeling guilty.
Keep your emotional needs to yourself or tell them to an adult and let your children grow up unburdened - especially if they have already been subjected to a divorce. They are your children, not your "friends."
For more-read Dr. Molly's latest book, Matchlines
BIO:
Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love,” ISBN 159507158X. She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women’s Health and Women’s World. Please visit: http://www.askdrmolly.com
http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com/
To read articles by Dr. Molly please visit: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Molly_Barrow
posted by Dr. Molly @ 4:23 PM
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