Dr. Molly Barrow

The Official Dr. Molly Barrow Blog offers educational self help advice about relationships, business, dating, marriage, parenting, teenagers and children, self-esteem, love and romance. Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D in psychology and is the author of Matchlines for Singles and the self-esteem adventure series, Malia and Teacup Awesome African Adventure and Malia and Teacup Out on a Limb. Dr. Molly is a relationship and psychology expert host on progressiveradionnetwork.com and television guest.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

I Love You Means? Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines Relationship Love Self help


When people with a great capacity to love (Longerlines) use the word “love,” their definition of that word includes their entire experience of love since their earliest childhood. Unfortunately, Shorterlines use the exact same word, “love,” but their experience of love may bear no resemblance whatsoever to the Longerlines’ definition of love.
This is where your understanding of the dynamics of an unmatched Love-line Relationship begins, in the situation where you have a Longerline paired with a Shorterline.
Shorterlines may have experienced limited nurturing and affection in life, and/or possess a history of pain and neglect mixed into their very earliest memories. When Shorterlines “love” you, they are giving you the best love they know how to give. They are giving all that they are currently capable of giving regardless of whether you find those efforts satisfactory or unsatisfactory, fulfilling or disappointing. This is the fundamental disconnect in understanding the concept of finding “balance” between two relatively normal, yet distinctly different Love-lines in a relationship.
Quite often, Shorterlines know very little about the kind of love that is sky high and limitless, unconditional and genuinely passionate—the kind of love that Longerlines are more capable of giving and receiving and tend to expect. For the Shorterline, possible past trauma or neglect has can formed an internal “ceiling,” which inhibits them and obscures the sky. Shorterlines simply have great difficulty seeing above their personal ceiling to the heights of the Longerlines’ ceilings—and that is the crux of many problems in such a relationship.
Shorterlines are giving as much love as they have to give, never beyond what they perceive love to be. They do not think about the qualities of love beyond the confines of their own ceiling, which inhibits their ability to Love. Their love “handicap,” which is inhibiting them, is that they cannot act beyond the length or capacity of their Love-line. Each of us is limited by our own Love-line ceiling. Let us look at this concept a little closer.


When someone tells you that they love you, what they truly mean is their (not your) definition and understanding of love to the extent of their Love-line ceiling, but never beyond it. Your partner’s definition of love is only as high as their ceiling allows them to love. Your partner gives you what they can. They are not withholding love—despite what you may feel. They simply do not have the capacity to give you more of what you feel you need and want.
Bear in mind, if you are the Longerline in a relationship, the concept of a Shorterline is not meant to be an excuse for your partner’s genuine displays of selfishness. The visual picture is to help you understand the real reasons why some people just don’t have the same capacity to give and receive love as others—even when they, themselves, sincerely believe they are doing the best that they possibly can.
The important point to focus on is determining the extent of the Love-line Gap between you and an existing or potential partner. If the Love-line Gap is small, love will be easier for you both. If the Love-line Gap is great, finding a harmonious love will be harder. Unfortunately, Love-line Gaps are common, but the good news is that the better you understand them, and their dynamics, the easier the work to balance a relationship will be for you and your partner.


Post a Comment

<< Home