Parenting Advice by Relationship Expert Author and Radio Television Guest Dr. Molly Barrow author of Matchlines
(excerpt from Matchlines by Dr. Molly Barrow)
What was love to you as a child? Was love being read a story at night as you fell asleep? Was love a big hug and a kiss? Or were your parents less capable of giving affection? Maybe your parent substituted quality time with material things, like a new bicycle, a game, or a box of cookies. Perhaps they left you alone too much, or gave you damaging attention that made you believe love is someone who says you are not competent or you deserve harsh treatment.
Your personal definition of love primarily stems from learning that took place before you were ten years old and subsequently became part of your core belief system. You can rarely change a belief system easily. It is like the concrete foundation of your psyche. The main point here to understand is that your personal definition of love may be a world apart from your partner’s definition. Yes, your partner may say that they love you, but is it your kind of love? And is your kind of love their kind of love?
Bloodlines
Now let us look at the genetic, hereditary side of the equation. If you examine the bloodlines of purebred animals, you soon realize that a winner is no accident. Through carefully selected breeding, prized racehorses, champion show dogs and blue ribbon cattle have the most superior gene traits that money can buy. Usually, we discover that the champion’s parents were also champions.
If a Greyhound sire has a genetic hip problem, this trait may or may not show up in the next generation. However, you cannot make the recurring genetic hip problem go away, regardless of how much you love the dog or train it. The hip is weak, if only in potential to fail. You would be a fool to bet your life or finances on that particular dog winning a race, or that its puppies will be free from hip problems. The dog’s effort may be one hundred percent. The result could still be substandard beneath your expectations.
That does not mean the injured dog cannot be loved, and love its owner in return. However, if the owner ties their love of the dog to the dog winning a race (a specific expected behavior), then that dog’s performance may come up short. If the owner is aware of the shortcomings and loves the dog anyway that is a knowledgeable informed choice and is the owner’s right. Rather, it is the unknown surprise or denial of obvious truth that can be so damaging.
Psychologists hotly debate just which aspects of human behavior might be purely genetic in origin. Predispositions to certain weaknesses or strengths or to differing aspects of a person’s character, such as stubbornness or a good sense of humor could be learned behavior. Nevertheless, we directly inherit some physical attributes from parents. Being tall or short, big- boned or delicate, good eyesight or poor eyesight, nervous or calm, brilliant or creative, straight teeth or crooked teeth, etc., can have an impact on a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence, garnered in the context of any peer group, especially for a child growing up.
For more information please visit www.askdrmolly.com and read Matchlines by Dr. Molly Barrow, Ph.D. Other good parenting sources are Parenting Magazine and T. Berry Brazelton.
BIO:
Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love,” ISBN 159507158X. She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women’s Health and Women’s World. Please visit: http://www.askdrmolly.com
http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com/
To read articles by Dr. Molly please visit: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Molly_Barrow
What was love to you as a child? Was love being read a story at night as you fell asleep? Was love a big hug and a kiss? Or were your parents less capable of giving affection? Maybe your parent substituted quality time with material things, like a new bicycle, a game, or a box of cookies. Perhaps they left you alone too much, or gave you damaging attention that made you believe love is someone who says you are not competent or you deserve harsh treatment.
Your personal definition of love primarily stems from learning that took place before you were ten years old and subsequently became part of your core belief system. You can rarely change a belief system easily. It is like the concrete foundation of your psyche. The main point here to understand is that your personal definition of love may be a world apart from your partner’s definition. Yes, your partner may say that they love you, but is it your kind of love? And is your kind of love their kind of love?
Bloodlines
Now let us look at the genetic, hereditary side of the equation. If you examine the bloodlines of purebred animals, you soon realize that a winner is no accident. Through carefully selected breeding, prized racehorses, champion show dogs and blue ribbon cattle have the most superior gene traits that money can buy. Usually, we discover that the champion’s parents were also champions.
If a Greyhound sire has a genetic hip problem, this trait may or may not show up in the next generation. However, you cannot make the recurring genetic hip problem go away, regardless of how much you love the dog or train it. The hip is weak, if only in potential to fail. You would be a fool to bet your life or finances on that particular dog winning a race, or that its puppies will be free from hip problems. The dog’s effort may be one hundred percent. The result could still be substandard beneath your expectations.
That does not mean the injured dog cannot be loved, and love its owner in return. However, if the owner ties their love of the dog to the dog winning a race (a specific expected behavior), then that dog’s performance may come up short. If the owner is aware of the shortcomings and loves the dog anyway that is a knowledgeable informed choice and is the owner’s right. Rather, it is the unknown surprise or denial of obvious truth that can be so damaging.
Psychologists hotly debate just which aspects of human behavior might be purely genetic in origin. Predispositions to certain weaknesses or strengths or to differing aspects of a person’s character, such as stubbornness or a good sense of humor could be learned behavior. Nevertheless, we directly inherit some physical attributes from parents. Being tall or short, big- boned or delicate, good eyesight or poor eyesight, nervous or calm, brilliant or creative, straight teeth or crooked teeth, etc., can have an impact on a person’s self-esteem and self-confidence, garnered in the context of any peer group, especially for a child growing up.
For more information please visit www.askdrmolly.com and read Matchlines by Dr. Molly Barrow, Ph.D. Other good parenting sources are Parenting Magazine and T. Berry Brazelton.
BIO:
Dr. Molly Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is the author of the new book, “Matchlines: A Revolutionary New Way of Looking at Relationships and Making the Right Choices in Love,” ISBN 159507158X. She is an authority on relationship and psychological topics, a member of the American Psychological Association and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly has appeared as an expert in the film, My Suicide, documentaries Ready to Explode and KTLA Impact, NBC news, PBS In Focus, WBZT talk radio and in O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, The Nest, MSN.com, Yahoo, Match.com, N Magazine, Women’s Health and Women’s World. Please visit: http://www.askdrmolly.com
http://www.DrMollyBarrow.com/
To read articles by Dr. Molly please visit: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Molly_Barrow
posted by Dr. Molly @ 5:30 PM
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